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Snow Bunnies!

The girls were so excited about the snow this morning! Ella thought snow on the ground meant it was Christmas and shortly after she woke up she ran downstairs and then came up to report that "Santa didn't leave any presents for me, Hailey, Mommy or Daddy!" She was so upset. We had to explain to her that it wasn't Christmas yet. "But it snowed" she said. The Christmas anticipation is really starting to get to her!
Grant bundled them up and took them out to play and use the sled. Their little friend Harrison from next door joined them. They had a really good time until the end when Hailey lost her glove and her hand got cold and she screamed for like 30 minutes like she thought her hand was going to fall off. Not that she is a bit of a drama queen or anything!

Christmas getting to know you...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? both...mostly wrapping paper though

2. Real tree or Artificial? artificial. We had a real one in our first Christmas in a house together...and it was full of spiders. That was the end of it for Grant!

3. When do you put up the tree? The weekend after Thanksgiving

4. When do you take the tree down? The week after Christmas

5. Do you like egg nog? I don't know that I've ever tried it!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? An American Girls doll

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a very pretty Jim Shore one

8. Hardest person to buy for? My parents

9. Easiest person to buy for? My girls

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail

13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No

14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Fudge!

15. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear

16. Favorite Christmas song? I really like them all

17. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay Home

18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comit, Cubit, Donner and Blitzen, and of course the most famous reindeer of all, Rudolph

19. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? I grew up opening them on Christmas eve and Grant on Christmas morning. Now it works out well because we go to my family's house on Christmas eve and then have our own little thing Christmas morning and then head over to his family's house. Still...I feel like there is something weird about opening presents in your PJ's.

20. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Idiot shoppers in the stores and parking lots!!! They are soooo rude!

21. Favorite thing about this time of year? Watching it through Ella and Hailey's eyes

22. Favorite ornament, theme, or color? I don't really have a theme...I just like things around me that are meaningful in some way

23. Favorite food for Christmas dinner? I like a traditional dinner for Christmas day...turkey, mashed potatoes, the works. Lately on Christmas eve I think my dad has been BBQing steak...it usually hits the spot.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? We got a family gift...and new camera, Nikon D60. It is awesome!

Baby Braids

In the bathtub last night I was actually able to keep Hailey distracted long enough to braid her hair in two little baby french braids!! It looked so adorable and she looked like such a "big girl". They are not the best braids in the world but the best I could do with soaking wet, short, fine baby hair!! I knew they wouldn't last so I quickly had to grab the camera and start shooting a few photos...which posed it's own challenge to get her to sit still long enough to capture one of the back of her head!

Lately...

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I've come to realize...

1. I've come to realize that my boobs...
will never be what they used to be without surgery

2. I've come to realize that my job...
is amazing...although the 12 hour shifts usually get to me

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
I need to pay attention

4. I've come to realize that I need...
a nap and a nanny

5. I've come to realize that my heart...
can have irregular rhythms...but is full of love :)

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
My kids don't listen

7. I've come to realize that I don't like....
having so much junk around

8. I've come to realize that money...
can be stressful

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
only care about themselves

10. I've come to realize that I'll never be...
PERFECT...damn it!!!

11. I've come to realize drugs are..
not for me

12. I've come to realize that my best friends....
are Many

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
is something I depend too much on

14. I've come to realize when i woke up this morning...
I was exhausted and thankful my sister was here to get up with the girlies

15. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
I was thinking about work

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
taking a shower...I really want to take a nap but need a shower

18. I've come to realize that yesterday...
I felt better than I do today...maybe iron really is the answer!

19. I've come to realize that today..
I have been very unproductive

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
I'm getting a massage

21. I have come to realize that tomorrow....
my sister will leave and I'll be back at it on my own :(

22. I've come to realize that I really want to....
have my energy back

23. I've come to realize that I love...
my family

24. I've come to realize that i...
need to clean up the house!!

25. I've come to realize that this weekend....
I spent most of nauseated

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when i am upset...
country

27. I've come to realize that some of my friends...
are amazingly caring

28. I've come to realize that this year....
is going to bring a lot of changes!

Our Family

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A baby shower and a baby funeral...

This is a difficult post for me to write...but one I need to do.

This weekend I attended a baby shower for my very best friend Wendy who is expecting her little girl later on this month. I can't wait for this baby's arrival! There is nothing in the world like a sweet little baby...especially a girl...I'm a little partial to girls :) I have been invited into her delivery room again for this precious little girl. I was lucky enough to be there while her other children Taylor and Nolan were born and it is one of the most memorable experiences of my life. On the flip side I was lucky enough to have her with me while I delivered Ella and Hailey and again, it made my deliveries that much more memorable. I know she is starting to feel the exhaustion of that last month so I wish her all the strength in the world...and children that will behave perfectly and nap for 3 hours so you can rest! I also hope your little Jessy will be a nice baby and arrive on time or maybe a little bit early :)

I followed that baby shower by attending a funeral for one of my very favorite patients...Zachary. Zachary was born a little bit premature with multiple genetic anomalies and lived about 14 weeks before passing. I think he spent about half of that time with us at Kadlec until being shipped to Childrens. He, and his family, touched me very deeply and I can't really get them off my mind. Seeing his parents at his funeral rocked me to the core. It was like looking at my own family. That could easily be any one of us. Why them...why do they have to go through this horrible event. Their grief and their strength was palpable. They had a moment where people could speak and tell stories. Many people said things like "God has a plan" or "He took Zach for a reason". While I was standing there I was wondering if that was true. Why in the world would God have a plan to take a precious little boy from this wonderful family. Why would he want to rock them with the sorrow of spending 14 weeks in the hospital and then having to say good bye?? To never be able to take him home to the crib they had ready for him?? I guess it is beyond anything I can comprehend. I have to say this though...this little boy was incredibly blessed with amazing parents. I said this to her in an email and I truly believe it:
"A mother's love does more to heal a baby than we can even begin to imagine. Medicine can do amazing things to heal a child's body, but only the love from a mother or father can heal their soul. Zachary's soul was overflowing with health!"

People often gasp when I say I work in the NICU and respond with "isn't it so hard...I could never work there." I usually respond with "Actually, it is a great place to work, we get to see miracles happen everyday" That statement is very true; the highs in the NICU are very high...watching tiny little 1 lb babies grow and go home with their mommies, only to come back to visit months later happy and healthy and big and chunky. But lately I am reminded that the lows in the NICU are very low. Unfortunately we have had way to many lows lately...and it is truly devastating.

The one thing this whole experience did teach me is that it is so easy to take for granted the health of our children...the ability to hold them when we want and to put them to our breast to feed. To watch them grow and learn and become wonderful little people. What amazing things most of get to...and too often forget what a gift that is. How easy it is to get caught up in the little stresses and forget the big picture. That is the one big benefit of working in the NICU...prospective.

To this grieving family that I am thinking about...your son touched so many people's lives and you are all amazing people. I hope that you are doing okay. I really am sending so many thoughts and prayers your way.

My big girl....

Hailey had her 2 year well check this week and, like usual, she remains a very big girl!!! Her weight was 33 lbs which was the 95% and her height was 36.5 inches which is in the 97%. If you take that old saying that a person's height will be double what they were at age 2 she will be 73 inches tall which is a little over 6 feet tall!!! Holy crap!! There are woman that tall in both of our families so it is possible. The first thing the dr. asked was "So do you think it will be volleyball or basketball??"
Overall she is perfectly proportionate (in a big way) and is very healthy. She is beautiful, and I am very proud that she is continuing to grow and be big and strong!!

Hailey Jane

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2 Years...

It is very hard for me to believe that Hailey has been in our lives for two years now. It seems like she's been around forever...but also feels like she was just born. What a crazy whirlwind two years it has been. I remember her delivery very clearly. It was pretty easy and she was ready to come into the world. I remember saying out loud when I first saw her "She doesn't really look like anybody"...and now I think she looks a lot like me at age 2. The first few months were filled with almost constant screaming and I wasn't really sure I liked this new little baby. When she was finally diagnosed with reflux and treated appropriately she was a much happier baby and a joy to have around. After I had Ella I wished for a cuddly baby (Ella wasn't much of a cuddlier) and boy did I get one in Hailey. She did not want to be put down, nor sleep much further than an arms length. She loved to nurse and didn't give it up until she was 22 months. Now she says "Milky all gone" As she is becoming a toddler she makes me smile on a daily basis. She loves to sing and you can often hear her in the next room singing ABC's in a REALLY loud voice. She also loves to dance...especially with her daddy, and she loves playing with her dolly's. She sleeps in a toddler bed now and in the mornings will pull out all of her pajama's and shoes and pile them on the bed. She does this really funny look where she will put her head down and then look at you out of the corner of her eyes. She usually does this if she is mad or unsure of something but it is truly hilarious.
She is an awesome eater and will eat just about anything...including broccoli. She is a very big girl all around (height and weight) and people are usually surprised to hear she is just turning 2.
She can say a ton of words and can ask for things she wants. She has starting using the potty on occasion and shows a lot of interest in it! She can jump off the couch and end in a somersault (she gets this from her sissy) She does twirls all over the house and loves to run and jump.
She wants anything her sister wants. If her sister wants milk than Hailey wants milk. If sissy wants water than so does Hailey. She gets along well with Ella although they do have their moments. Mostly fighting over a toy. Ella loves her little sissy and only calls her by her full name...Hailey Jane. I don't think I have even once heard her call her just Hailey.
All in all she has been the most perfect addition to our family! We love her to pieces and think she is the sweetest, prettiest and smartest little 2 year old girl in the world (of course we are a little bias). She melts our heart every single day!
Happy Birthday Hailey Jane...we love you!

Sausage Fest

To anyone who is not from the tri-cities...and event called the Sausage Fest probably sounds a little bit odd. However; growing up here it is an annual event that we always look forward to. Good food, games for the kids, face painting, toys, balloons...just a bunch of fun things to do. This year we went and met up with our friends the West's. The kids had a blast and were really fun to watch.
I had to post the series of group photos so you could see the progression of Hailey picking her nose, eating it, and then the disgusted looks on the other kids' faces. Yep...that's my daughter for you. Ella was also picking her nose in the first photo...although I don't think she ate hers. Classy, I know.

Food Terrorist....

I am trying to loose weight. So far I have lost about 12-14 pounds (depends on the day!). What I have been doing to loose it so far is just to cut out sweets. And then...this morning...I woke up to this...



I tried to ignore them. Cleaning, computer, laundry...but the smell of them was making it's way through the entire house. Eventually I gave in and ate that tiny little corner piece. Even without frosting it was delicious. Thanks Grant!!!

Growing up

My little baby is growing up so fast!! Ella has started preschool two days a week! And it's not a co-op I just drop her off and pick her up. She had a blast on her first day...didn't cry at all (she told me this) and was happy when I picked her up. She said goodbye to all her teachers and off we went. She told me all the things they did and said she had fun. She is also in preschool at the daycare she goes to two days a week. So between the two of them I am sure her little mind is just going to start expanding with knowledge! I love her so much and can't believe how fast she is growing up. I am just trying to cherish each moment because they all go by so fast!
These photos were taken by my lovely and talented sister in law Chelee (you can see her website at http://www.michelleellisphotography.com/. She took these for us as first day of school photos. She also did one last year on Ella's first day of school and it is amazing to compare and see how different she looks. I will have to figure out how to scan it and get it in.

The Bully....

Hailey has been having a bit of a hitting problem recently and we have been dealing with it but it is making it hard to go out anywhere with her in public for the fear of being judged because she is the "bully kid"...which Hailey definitely is. She will go up to the other kids and just flat out smack them for no aparent reason. Probably just to see the reaction take place. At our most recent playdate I think she hit every kid at least once. It totally looks bad on your parenting. I just need some help...advice...anything you've got, to try and help me work through this. The playdate we went on was with all the little babies who have been born of our NICU nurses within the last 3 years (yes...we've been popping them out!) We've had a lot of fun hanging out and watching the kids learn and play and grow up together.
The picture I added is of all the NICU mom's and their baby's taken by some very nice lady at the playground.

Lets see if I can label it from left to right:
Jessica with Jordyn and Kiley: Tina with Avvon and two more on their way :) TouTou with her son Drew: Sara with her daughter Jaidyn and one more waiting to come out to play :): Val with her son Andrew: and then me with little bully Hailey Jane. Ella didn't want to take the photo so her little head is right behind us a bit.
So, all in all, it was a really fun playdate and nice to catch up with everyone (outside of work) I just wish that I didn't have the bully to deal with. Truthfully, any advise that people have for me and I will be all over it!!

ps: Please try and ignore any spelling or grammer mistakes. I'm writing this after a 12 hour night shift, and falling asleep while I am doing it!

A mess...

Hailey and her best friend Sage at Daycare...they crack eachother up!

Going down the slide at daycare!

I have been a bit emotional lately and the breaking point hit me yesterday. I was hormonal and emotional to begin with and then I went to pick my girls up from the daycare....only to find out they are moving all the teachers around and my little Hailey Jane will not have either of the two teachers she has had for the last few months. I started bawling my eyes out right there in front of her teacher. I am sure I looked like a babbling mess. I LOVE Hailey's teachers. I really felt like they loved Hailey and wanted to bring out the best in her. She is my baby and is harder to leave then Ella. It has only been the last two drop offs that she hasn't cried. It breaks my heart that she is going to have to adjust to a whole new group of teachers and kids...but I guess that is part of life.
Hailey is such an amazing little girl. She makes me smile and melts my heart on a daily basis. (She also drives me crazy at times but that is besides the point)!! Lately she has been a singing fool and my favorite is when she sings "You are my sunshine". She is smart as the dickens! Yesterday at daycare she was kind of clinging to me so I said to her "The babies at the hospital will be waking up soon so mommy has to be there so someone can feed them" It is just like she got it...she got down and walked over to the table and asked for some cereal. Who know I just had to explain it to her what I was going to do!!!
It has been really hard to me to adjust to the whole daycare thing. Even though they only go two days a week. So...now to add another change to it throws me for a loop. It will probably be harder on me then it will on them. I feel bad for the teachers that had to deal with me being a crying mess yesterday!

Yes...they get their curls from me!!!

I guess my kids do look a little bit more like me :) Although it is pretty close to being split down the middle! A perfect mixture of both of us!

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Another one...

I'm feeling a little uninspired about coming up with my own blog posts...so I copied another one of those little survey things. This one is about having babies...I'll use E for Ella and H for Hailey...

Child/Children's Age?
E: 3 years
H: 21 months

Name?
Ella Grace
Hailey Jane

Birthday?
E: 4/13/05
H: 10/5/06

Time of birth?
E: 5:30 am (I think)
H: 1:30 pm (I think)

How long did labor last?
E: 12 hours exactly from the start of the induction to the delivery
H: 12 hours from the time of early labor to the time of delivery...only about 4 hours of really active labor though

Who was in the room when baby was born?
E: Grant, Wendy, Dr. Dunlop, my nurse Heather, baby's nurse Lola
H: Grant, Wendy, Dr. Ortolano, my nurse Trish, baby's nurse Kim
(I only remember the nurse's names b/c I work with them!)

How long did you push?
E: 25 minutes (not too bad for a first baby)
H: 5 minutes (she basically fell out!)

Weight?
E: 7 lbs 9oz
H: 7lbs 3 oz

Length?
E: 19 inches
H: 20 inches

ANY HAIR?
E: lots of dark hair...which really through me for a loop b/c I was expecting blond or red
H: again...lots of dark hair

Who does baby look like?
E: Like dad from the start
H: They handed her to me and I said out loud "She doesn't look like anybody"...now I think she looks more like me

Have you lost it all?
E: lost all of it right away
H: lost all of it right away...then gained it all back :(

Was baby early or late?
E: Induced one week early due to gestational diabetes
H: Was supposed to be induced one week early because of the diabetes again, but decided to come on her one a week and a half early...I wasn't too sad about that!

Who drove you home from the hospital?
Grant

How many baby showers did you have?
Two for each...one with friends and family and one with my coworkers!

When did baby start sleeping through the night?
E: I think around 7-8 months
H: 11 almost 12 months

Did you breastfeed?
E: 11 months until I got prego again with H and just couldn't keep up with it
H: She still hasn't totally given it up at 21 months...I think we're close though

Who keeps your baby the most?
I do!!! Until a few months ago they were always in the care of either Grant or I (or a family member here and there) Now they go to daycare 2 days a week.

How did you pick the name?
We had a really hard time picking names. A little while before I had Ella my mom was telling me about some aunts she had named Ella and Sophie...I really liked them both. We went into the delivery with the names Ella and Kaylin. In the end I let Grant decide. Grant wanted to name her Grace, but I liked it more for a middle name.
For Hailey we went into the delivery each with 3 names picked out. Mine were Ava, Molly, and Alyssa...Grants were Hailey, Alexis, and I can't remember his third. Again, I let Grant make the final decision. Jane is her middle name and we just both liked the way it sounded with Hailey. Neither of them were named until they were like half a day old!

How did you know when it was time to go to hospital?
E: I went in two times with false labor. I had a ton of contractions but no change. Finally I went in for a scheduled induction.
H: I went in one night with really bad back pain thinking I had another kidney stone. They were just about to send me home and decided to check me again and I had gone from a 2 to a 4 in one hour. So it wasn't a kidney stone it was labor :) A little while after that my water broke on it's one. Then it all stalled and I was stuck at 4. A tiny bit of pitocin and I was on my way to delivery in just a couple of hours!

Did you go home or somewhere else when you left the hospital?
I think we went to the store to fill my prescriptions and get some food, then came right home!

Anyone spend the night with you first night home?
Nope...just me and Grant!

Did you cry the first time you held your baby?
E: No, but I couldn't stop smiling!
H: Bawled my eyes out...I think I was just so relieved it was over! It was not a great pregnancy!

Who cut the cord?
E: Grant...and blood squirted all over him!
H: Grant again, this time he did it better!

Where was the baby born?
Kadlec Medical Center

Did you video tape the birth?
E: We started video taping right after the birth
H: We had the camera all set up from behind (so you couldn't see the actual birth but could get the picture) Well, Dr. Ortolano came in and raised the bed way up b/c he is very tall, and nobody thought to move the camera, so you can hear everything going on, but can't see much!

Are you happy with how things turned out?
Absolutely. I had really crappy pregnancy's..but awesome deliveries.

Do you want to have another?
Yes, probably one more...not sure when though...

And sometimes what you do really does matter...

The other day at work a former tiny preemie came in on her 16th birthday to bring us Cinnamon rolls and just to visit. Her Grandmother came with her and wrote to us one of the most beautiful letters I have ever read! I wasn't a nurse when she was born...nor even thinking of being a nurse...but her Grandmother's letter really struck a cord with me. Made me feel like even when I am so exhausted at the end of a 12 hour shift..my back and feet aching...that what I am doing is making such a huge difference in the lives of so many other people. It is not just about the baby, or the mom...it is about the entire unit of people that are a part of that little miracle's life! The line in the letter that struck me the most was this "Babies don't thrive on skills alone. You all bring such tenderness and devotion to each one."
I think sometimes we get wrapped up in the nursing skills we need to preform, along with the charting, the stocking, etc...which are important...don't get me wrong. However; I think we sometimes forget to give ourselves credit for the wonderful human touch we give as well. That Grandmother was right...if we just relied on skill alone, those babies would not grow and thrive like they do.
So, I just wanted to take a second to give all of the amazing nurses I know credit for what they do without even knowing they are doing it. It is what makes us who we are...and what an awesome group to be a part of!

Another distraction

Just another thing to keep me away from what I should be doing, like say, cleaning my house!!

50 ODD Things about you! If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 50
things about your friends, and let them learn 50 things about you!

1) Do you like blue cheese?
kind of...on a salad
2) Have you ever smoked heroin?
no, never even seen it, never wanted to see it...when I found out that celebrity Tatum O'Neil was arrested for buying crack cocaine I had to Google it b/c I had no idea what it was
3) Do you own a gun?
not even a plastic one for the kids
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic?
I have just discovered sonic...I like a cherry lemonade
5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Sometimes...I don't like being weighed
6) What do you think of hot dogs?
Not a big fan..every now and then I'll get a crazy craving for one and then I remember why I don't like them
7) Favorite Christmas song?
Silent night
8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I used to be a regular latte drinker but haven't had much of a taste for it lately
9) Can you do push ups?
I really haven't tried in a while
10) Can you do a pull up
again, don't know when the last time I tried was!!
11) What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
I love jewelry, I don't know if I could come up with a favorite. Probably my most recent fav is the green beaded necklace my SIL made for me last Christmas. I like making jewelry also.
12) Favorite hobby?
Lately I'd have to say swimming with the kids
13) Ever been in a car wreck?
a small one
14) Do you have A.D.D.?
no
15) What's one trait that you love about yourself?
my ability to listen
16) Middle name?
Marie, after my Grandma Myrna...who is still kicking
17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
I need to clean up
I need to do dishes
I need to do laundry
(Not the greatest thoughts!)
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Lunch at the hospital
A Pepsi
My pass into the "biggest looser" contest at work
19) Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
iced tea, Pepsi, water
20) Current worry
Worried about Grant leaving to Houston for 2 weeks at the end of the month
21) Current hate right now?
my weight
22)Can you speak any different languages?
a little Spanish
23) How did you bring in the New Year?
I don't know if I was even awake? Probably in bed by 10
24) Where would you like to go?
Hawaii or New York
25) Name three people who will complete this?
that is anyone's guess, maybe Wendy will do it on her blog
26) Do you own slippers?
yeah..don't wear them very often though, every now and then
27) What shirt are you wearing?
pinkish peach v-neck with a white cami under
28) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
not sure I ever have
29) Can you whistle?
Yes
30) Favorite color?
pink or red
31) Would you be a pirate?
I don't think I have it in me
32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower, just focus and get it done!
33) Favorite girl's name?
Ella and Hailey I also love the name Leah, but Grant wouldn't let me name Hailey that
34) Favorite boy's name?
Jackson
35) What's in your pocket?
nothing
36) Last thing that made you laugh?
Watching Hailey and Nolan run in the sprinklers naked with their little round bubble butts!
37) Best bed sheets as a child?
i don't think i had special ones, but my mom never put a top sheet on our beds
38) Worst injury you've ever had?
whatever I did to my back when I was pregnant with Hailey. I think it really sealed the deal when I fell down the garage steps while 8 months pregnant. It hurt then and has never really gotten better...
39) Do you love where you live?
I do...we have a nice neighborhood...lots of kids and nice neighbors
40) How many TVs do you have in your house/apartment?
3
41) Who is your loudest friend?
I can't think of who...maybe Denise at work!
42) How many dogs do you have?
none...not really a pet person
43) Does someone love you?
of course
44) Favorite childhood memory?
meeting up with all my family at the river every weekend to barbecue and boat on the river, and playing with my little sis
45) What are you currently reading?
People magazine
46) What is your favorite candy?
Hersey with almond
47) something you've learned recently?
That I really CAN push through the hard times
48) What song do you want played at your funeral?
Elton John's Candle in the Wind
49) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Passed out...I took a sleeping pill
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Can I please go back to bed!!!

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all you wonderful Dad's out there! I especially want to give a shout out to my amazing husband Grant...a dad who exceeded all my expectations! I love you honey!!

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Ch-Ch-Ch Changes!!!

There are some changes happening the Carrick household!!! Now that I am back at work it as thrown our whole routine into a loop. My hours are all over the place: days, nights, weekends, weekdays...everything basically. The girls got enrolled in daycare at Kadlecs day care center. It is an AWESOME place! The girls love it. I feel good about taking them there. They are only on a per diem basis which means they can come on days where spots are available. This month they are going about 2 times a week. The first day I brought them I cried for 2 hours straight about it. I just couldn't stop. I called to see how the girls were doing "fine...they only cried for like 2 min" I thought...wow, what is wrong with me...they cry for 2 min and me for 2 hours. Today when I went to get Ella she said she didn't want to leave. In fact at first she pretended that she didn't see me b/c she know I would maker her leave....that little stinker! They love it there...they do a TON of activities and have great snacks and lunches. All in All, I think it was a really great choice for us, one that I feel comfortable with. We just have to get through this adjustment period to get it all worked out!

A few things I love about my job....

I am back at work in the NICU...and I was thinking on my way home that there are some things just so amazing about my job...and here they are:

1. I love how you can be at a delivery a see a mom screaming her head off trying to get a baby out and the minute that little miracle pops out...she is amazed and her and her husband are crying in joy (or maybe relief!) nonetheless, it is the most amazing thing I think I will ever witness in my entire life...

2. I love how you can be in a c-section and everyone in the room is chatting and the room is loud and full of...well, just whatever...but the minute those dr.s start to bring that baby out, the entire room goes silent. The dr.'s are working very hard to get the baby out and it is almost like the entire room is saying a little prayer all at the same time...that the baby will come out perfect. When you hear that fist cry...everyone in the room breaths a sigh of relief.

3. I love how almost every time I am at work I get parents thanking me genuinely for helping their baby. They usually have eyes full of tears...and I usually do as well...and it feels so amazing to say to them "It is my pleasure..." As I have become a parent myself I feel a stronger connection to those parents and can't even imagine what they are going through and the strength they have to have to get through it. I find myself giving hugs a lot more then I used to...and crying with them more as well.

4. I love how you can take care of some really amazing kids...with amazing families, and you wonder often how they are doing after they leave. And then you might show up to work one day and see a photo of them a year later and that little 2-3 lb baby is now a big stalky toddler. I can't even tell you the sense of joy that brings.

5. I love that I have the most amazing co-workers who have the ability to take me away from all the intensity for a second and make me laugh my ass off....yet could turn around and help you save a baby in the next breath. How in the world did I get so lucky to be one of them?? I think sometimes even they forget how amazing they are...and how much their work means to people. This goes to everyone working there...but especially to Suzanne...who has made coming back to work an awesome time for me. A nurse who I feel I could ask any question to and not be made to feel stupid, one that I respect greatly and would trust her to take care of my sick infant in a heartbeat, and one who can make me laugh so hard I can hardly breath. Thanks girl, for helping me get my groove back :)


Being back at work has given me some of my self worth back, more confidence, a lot of fun, and I am starting to feel a little bit like my old self!! Don't get me wrong...I am tired as hell from being up all night...and feel a little rummy from it as well (so if there are spelling mistakes please ignore them) But I was just feeling so blessed I wanted to share it with everyone.

Good night all...

A long flight, a beautiful wedding, and some damn cute Hughes girls!!

Jason, Karrah, and their son Quinton

Cori, Nick, and Me

Cori and I

Back row: Casey, Jason, Nick
Front row: Heidi, Me, Traci, Julie and Cori

The Girls!! Me, Julie, Cori, Traci, and Heidi

Acting silly

I just got back from South Carolina where I went for my cousin Jason's wedding. Jason and I grew up together...he was the only cousin in a group of many who was the same age as me. I wouldn't have missed his wedding for the world. It was a beautiful wedding and reception. Appetizers, a four course meal, and of course...an open bar!!

All the people on our side of the family ripped it up. Drinking, dancing, singing...just having a general good time. It was wonderful to see some of my family that I haven't seen in a very long time. My cousin Traci even talked the bride into letting us do the chicken dance! A song/dance my Grandma Myrna headed up at every event there was! We all looked ridiculous doing it...but it is just part of the gig!

I have to say, seeing all of my cousins together made me realize what an amazingly pretty family I am part of (not to sound conceded). We are all tall blond bombshells. I think the shortest of us all is probably 5'7". It was wonderful to get a photo of all of us together!

It was funny to me that while we were growing up, there was such an age difference that none of us hung out really. There was a lot of babysitting going on...but not much more! Now that we are all adults, none of that seems to matter and we all can have an amazing time hanging out together...regardless of the age differences.

Leaving the girls for the first time ever was a bit difficult for me. I had a couple of full on breakdowns along the way. However; being at that reception without any kids to look after was actually really nice. It was the first time in a long time that I was actually able to just let loose and not worry about anyone else. It was so great to see them today, they were very welcoming and excited to see me!

So...that was my trip in a nutshell. I had an awesome time and am thinking I might need to take little trips without the kids more often :)

Summer is HERE...

Well, at least for a weekend! Hope everyone enjoyed the wonderful weather we had over the past weekend...it was beautiful! The girls obviously enjoyed themselves!

Mom really does exist

I don't know about any of you other mom's out there...but it seems like I am hardly have any photos of me and my kids because I am aways the one taking the photos. I just happened to be dressed up this weekend because I went to a wedding, and I had my sister in law Chelee snap some shots of the girls and I using my camera. I was a little bit like pulling teeth to get them to oblige, but they did and we got some good photos. They are just cute candids, and are a documentation that yes...I really was in their life when they were little!!! I think it is kind of ironic that we as moms, especially stay at home moms, are he ones with our kids 24/7, yet if someone were to look back at photos 20 years from now, they would wonder where in the heck I was!! So here is the challenge to all you moms...at least one time a month (a week would be better, but that might be pushing it) make sure you get a photo of you and your children. So when they look back through photos when they are older, they will have proof that you were ALWAYS around!!!

Mother's Day

Grant's sister Chelee, His mom, and him


Grant's mom and dad



Booger girl


As you all know Mother's day was last Sunday, and I hope all you moms out there had a wonderful day. I worked my first night shift the night before, so I slept until about 2:00 in the afternoon. Grant and the girls got me a very nice mother's day gift. The gift included a new lighted magnified mirror (I wanted one) a really cool alarm clock sound machine, and a very nice eye mask that I wear when I have to sleep during the day after work. We went to Grant's mom's house for dinner and Grant's sister Chelee and her family were there as well. Chelee has her own photography business http://www.michelleellisphotography.com and she took the wonderful photos posted above. She wanted to get one of the girls and I since it was mother's day...but I had worked the night shift and looked like a worked the night shift (like a walking zombie), so I asked her if she would bring the camera back next weekend to take some shots! After dinner we drove out to my mom's house to bring her a mother's day card and gift. It was the first time we had seen her since they came back from a trip to Hawaii, and the girls were really excited. I then came home and passed out from exhaustion and had a great night's sleep. All in all it was a great Mother's day. I hope all of the amazing moms I know out there had a great one as well! You all deserve it!