A baby shower and a baby funeral...

This is a difficult post for me to write...but one I need to do.

This weekend I attended a baby shower for my very best friend Wendy who is expecting her little girl later on this month. I can't wait for this baby's arrival! There is nothing in the world like a sweet little baby...especially a girl...I'm a little partial to girls :) I have been invited into her delivery room again for this precious little girl. I was lucky enough to be there while her other children Taylor and Nolan were born and it is one of the most memorable experiences of my life. On the flip side I was lucky enough to have her with me while I delivered Ella and Hailey and again, it made my deliveries that much more memorable. I know she is starting to feel the exhaustion of that last month so I wish her all the strength in the world...and children that will behave perfectly and nap for 3 hours so you can rest! I also hope your little Jessy will be a nice baby and arrive on time or maybe a little bit early :)

I followed that baby shower by attending a funeral for one of my very favorite patients...Zachary. Zachary was born a little bit premature with multiple genetic anomalies and lived about 14 weeks before passing. I think he spent about half of that time with us at Kadlec until being shipped to Childrens. He, and his family, touched me very deeply and I can't really get them off my mind. Seeing his parents at his funeral rocked me to the core. It was like looking at my own family. That could easily be any one of us. Why them...why do they have to go through this horrible event. Their grief and their strength was palpable. They had a moment where people could speak and tell stories. Many people said things like "God has a plan" or "He took Zach for a reason". While I was standing there I was wondering if that was true. Why in the world would God have a plan to take a precious little boy from this wonderful family. Why would he want to rock them with the sorrow of spending 14 weeks in the hospital and then having to say good bye?? To never be able to take him home to the crib they had ready for him?? I guess it is beyond anything I can comprehend. I have to say this though...this little boy was incredibly blessed with amazing parents. I said this to her in an email and I truly believe it:
"A mother's love does more to heal a baby than we can even begin to imagine. Medicine can do amazing things to heal a child's body, but only the love from a mother or father can heal their soul. Zachary's soul was overflowing with health!"

People often gasp when I say I work in the NICU and respond with "isn't it so hard...I could never work there." I usually respond with "Actually, it is a great place to work, we get to see miracles happen everyday" That statement is very true; the highs in the NICU are very high...watching tiny little 1 lb babies grow and go home with their mommies, only to come back to visit months later happy and healthy and big and chunky. But lately I am reminded that the lows in the NICU are very low. Unfortunately we have had way to many lows lately...and it is truly devastating.

The one thing this whole experience did teach me is that it is so easy to take for granted the health of our children...the ability to hold them when we want and to put them to our breast to feed. To watch them grow and learn and become wonderful little people. What amazing things most of get to...and too often forget what a gift that is. How easy it is to get caught up in the little stresses and forget the big picture. That is the one big benefit of working in the NICU...prospective.

To this grieving family that I am thinking about...your son touched so many people's lives and you are all amazing people. I hope that you are doing okay. I really am sending so many thoughts and prayers your way.