Monday, February 12, 2007

Self Questioning

Over the weekend I had two run-in's with some very negative people who in their very passive aggressive way said mean things to me and made me feel badly about myself. Made me question whether I really am doing anything with my life, and if I am good at anything? Do I stand for anything? Why can I not stand up for myself? Why am I letting people like that get me? They are really just negative people who are probably so miserable with their own lives they have to bring down others. So now it is midnight, and I can't sleep even though I am sooooo exhausted I could really sleep for 3 days and still be tired. So I am going to make a list of things I think I am doing well. This might sound a little weird, but maybe if I do this I will be able to sleep.
1. I stay at home and take care of my kids. Yes, this can at times be a daunting task, and some days I would much rather be at work. But I am here, everyday, doing the dirty work. And I love it.
2. I take care of very sick infants for my "other than mom" living....not a lot of people can say that.
3. I genuinely care about other people and would help out a friend in an instant, without even thinking twice about it.
4. I have an amazing husband
5. I have amazing parents
6. I have a best girl friend I couldn't live without (not a lot of people can say that either)
7. I graduated college
8. I don't know...I guess that is it

So maybe that will help me put an end to it all and go to sleep. Unfortunately both of the above mentioned people are people I will have to interact with again, so I am just going to have to put my game face on and not let them get to me. Maybe my extreme exhaustion is just making me more sensitive...or maybe I am just very sensitive. Maybe I should add that to the list.
Good night

4 comments:

Unknown said...

It's so easy when your tired and at your wits end to feel like your not doing enough. Believe me, when you have young children, it's really enough to just get dressed and fed every day.

I'm sorry you had to deal with those people.

c

Anonymous said...

you are an amazing person and mother!!! I admire everything you do and try to model myself after you!! hang in there girl, i love you!!

Anonymous said...

love cori

Anonymous said...

You might from time to time forget who you are, but I never do. Here it is: Beautiful, strong,intelligent, patient, loving, The very best of mothers, a nurse who looks after the most vulnerable little ones and with your calm, skillful way helps to keep them alive so they can go home to their own mothers. There is more, but it would get too long. There will always be people like the ones you dealt with. They have never learned to play well in the "sandbox" and are still throwing sand in other peoples faces. But,usually, if you look closely, most have lives of various degrees of desperation. They have never learned the concept of "positive karma" and it will always show in their lives. Just keep on being who you are. You are an incredible person. Hang in there, my dear daughter, This is not an easy time for you.

Love
Your favorite mom
At first I thought the last comment was from Wendy, but then saw that,no, it was from Cori. What a difference a year makes (: