Jackson

My friend Danny wrote on facebook "What is it with NICU nurses and their babies?" Seriously, I don't know, but a large number of us have had our own babies as patients in our unit.
34 weeks and 5 days...I couldn't sleep. I was totally uncomfortable, nauseated, choking on reflux once I did finally fall asleep, hugely swollen. I started bleeding a little that night, but wrote it off. The next evening, Grant saw the blood and said maybe we should go in. Of course, of all my MANY visits to the hospital, this time I didn't bring any of my stuff. About 20 minutes after arriving to Kadlec, my water broke. It was official; it was on. At that point, they wouldn't stop by labor. I have to say, a big part of me was kind of relieved. It had been a long ride and it was finally over, and it just happened, on it's own.
It was my longest labor of all 3 of my labors, and an emotional one as well. I had Many a breakdown and Grant and I had bonding moments that we have never had, and probably won't ever again. My night nurse, Becki, was so awesome, she was even going to stay over her shift if it looked like I would deliver soon. Sam was my dayshift nurse and was there for my delivery and was also awesome. My water broke around 6:00 on Tuesday evening and I didn't end up delivering him until 2:40 on Wednesday. I was stuck at a 6 for a long time when Sam checked me and realized there was like a second bag of water or something and once that was broke, I was ready to push in about 30 minutes.
One of my very good friends Val, came to represent the NICU for the delivery. She wasn't scheduled to work that day and I was so happy that she came in extra to be with me! Dr. Ortolano had been through a lot with me and I was very happy to see him. He did an excellent job at coaching me through and making me go slow when I just wanted to push that baby out super fast. My epidural stopped working right before I had him and I could feel it all and wanted it over with! Thankfully, going slow helped me to not tear, and at the very end he asked me for my hands and let me deliver the baby out right onto my chest.
I can't explain that moment. Relief, joy, happy, sad, a little bit of everything. I got to hold him, nurse him, cuddle him; for just a while before he had to be taken to NICU for low blood sugar and being preterm. I can't really explain what that felt like either, but I think it answers Danny's question...maybe God puts us through those moments so we can be even more understanding to the families we take care of as nurses. They took him, and my husband went with him. They were done with me and everyone was gone and I just started bawling. I can't explain how lonely that felt...but I think I will be a better NICU nurse because of it.
Thankfully, I was able to be with him shortly after that. He ended up staying 2 nights in NICU and 5 more on pediatrics. I didn't have to leave his side because right when they discharged me they moved him to peds and I was able to stay in the room with him. His main lingering issue was increased billirubin and jaundice.
He is such a special little boy and I am SO thrilled to have him in my life. There were times during that pregnancy that I didn't think I would make it. I didn't want to do it anymore. Now, I can't imagine my life without him. What a journey.
Jackson Casey Carrick
May 13, 2009
2:40 p.m.
6 lbs 15 oz
19 inches long



a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZeNUsYWx6sCmSAidw0GaEkMRMIZ4-m2LEc6lX84UUNtPpNt7M6r2aJ2tWi8wGc54srgXTVnBVMQvysGfcK_D6uSl99zA9IGu1u_VqJzmoRdCQbB6ynUx8vouBxsta97YWdWVNyf569SZx/s1600-h/jackson_birthmaster-102-77+%5BDesktop+Resolution%5D.jpg">

These photos were taken by my very good friend and wonderful photographer Tera Pettit
http://www.terapettit.com/
I am working on a slide show of all the photos set to music and will post that when I am done. I realize they are quite personal photos (although you can't see anything private) but I thought they were too cool not to share!

Babies

I love this song and the video! Makes me cry. I wish they could stay little forever!

Happy Birthday Miss Ella!

My baby girl is 4! I can't believe it...she is so grown up! I can't believe next year she will be 5 and start kindergarten, I can't even let my mind go there.
She had a great birthday party at Garland's gymnastics with her ever favorite Coach Brett. She had a great time. During the singing of Happy Birthday she put her head down and would not look at anyone but had a huge smile on her face. I could totally see myself in her at that moment.
The week before her birthday I woke to find that she had found some scissors and cut a HUGE amount of her hair off. The morning of her party I was calling all around to hair salons trying to get her in for a cut. She was very concerned that if we cut her hair off and she would look like a boy. I assured her it would be cute and she would look like her best friend Taylor and that if she didn't want short hair she shouldn't have cut it off! She was very good during her hair cut and it actually turned out pretty good.
She had her 4 year well check today and she remained in the 90% for her weight and her height. The Dr. said we can expect her to be around 5'8" tall when she is totally grown. She checked out perfectly physically as well as developmentally.
She is excited about having a baby brother and will often rub by belly and say "Don't grow too big baby". Or she will ask me if he is kicking. She loves her role as a big sister and I think will be a great help with the baby. Hailey on the other hand, says she is going to be the baby so who knows how that will go down!
Happy Birthday Ella Grace! We love you tons!

My New Dessert!

Okay, well I've officially started my diabetic diet. For some reason I am really resisting it this time and I REALLY don't want to do it. However, I also REALLY don't want to deliver a 12 pound baby...so I will give in. This is the one situation where it is a benefit to work in the NICU, because I have seen those 12 pound babys, who don't want to eat, have an IV, and who's mother's walk in hours later looking exactly like what's happened to them...they've been riped open from one side to the other.
So, here is my new desert option. It has 100 calories, is about one carb exchange, and is surprisingly quite good! I could probably use the calories and fat that are in the full fat one but part of how they get those calories is through sugar, so that is out. I am partial to the key lime pie flavor! This will have to replace my very favorite skinny cow ice cream cones :(

http://www.generalmills.com/corporate/brands/product_image.aspx?catID=23382&itemID=14484

25 random things about me

1. I am happy to be expecting a baby boy this summer
2. My little girls are the apple of my eye and I am constantly in awe of how beautiful and amazing they are
3. My husband has been amazing at pulling through during these hard times...I love him even more for that.
4. I just had a stent placed in my urinary tract due to problems with kidney stones :( yuck
5. Ever since I started working night shift 4 1/2 years ago I have problems sleeping at night. It's like it permanently messed up my sleep center.
6. Ever since my pregnancy with Hailey (that involved a lot of puking) once I start puking, I might never stop without some sort of medical intervention. Again, I think the puke center in my brain is permanently messed up.
7. I love giving birth to my baby's and find it very empowering, but I HATE the 40 week leading up to it.
8. I am very blessed to have one of those best friends that most people just dream of having. The type of friend that feels like a soul mate and one you can call on with absolutely anything! I love you Wendy!
9. I used to be a crazy active basketball player in high school, and I don't think I have even picked up a ball ever since.
10. I love to shop online! I love hearing the UPS truck pull up, knowing he has a surprise for you :)
11. I love reality TV...the bachelor, biggest looser, jon and kate plus 8, little people big world, and of course AMERICAN IDOL!!!
12. I HATE it when people eat really loud and with their mouth open, it feels like nails on the chalkboard to me
13. On that same note, I hate it when people (Grant) chug everything they drink and you can hear the gulp half way across the room.
14. On of my very favorite things to do it taking walks with Wendy and the kids down by the park. I am not sure how we are going to figure it out this summer now that 6 kids will be involved! It was so much easier when we both had 1!
15. I am very thankful for my parents and everything they do for us. I don't know how we could have made it through some of these hard times without them.
16. I love going to my in laws for Sunday dinner.
17 I am a neonatal nurse, and have only ever been a neonatal nurse, so I no nothing about adult health care! People often try to ask me questions, but really, all I know is babys!
18. I have a secret desire to be trained as a labor and delivery nurse, but have never even had the time to commit to do it. Maybe once the kids are all a little older.
19. I love making jewelery, and I think I am getting pretty decent at it. I made some very pretty Christmas presents this year. I learned how to do it from my lovely SIL Melissa.
20. I love Christmas music. I generally will start listening to it at the beginning of November and don't stop until well into January!
21. I desperately want to take the girls to Disneyland soon. They are at the age that they are in LOVE with all the princesses. I think they would get a thrill out of it. Not sure if it will happen though, at least until next fall maybe.
22. I have a small group of friends that have been with me since elementary school. We get together about one time a month to chat and catch up.
23. I am loving this new laptop Grant bought. I am typing in my bed while watching TV...it is awesome!
24. I am afraid of most dogs, and of heights
25. I am so excited to meet my little boy in approx. 20 more weeks!

It's a BOY!!!

I had an ultrasound today and found out we are having a boy! I spent the rest of the morning in a state of pure joyous disbelief. I think having had only girls, I was just kind of expecting a girl. Also, the doctor did an ultrasound at 15 weeks and thought it looked like a girl, but wasn't sure. In our heads, it was another girl that we were going to name Leah. I should have been tipped off right there...us, already having a name, it could never be that easy! We are beside ourselves with happiness. It is just really cool to know one way or the other, but honestly...two girls and then a boy is what I always wanted. I know people who wait until their delivery to find out the sex of the baby and I honestly don't know how they do it! It is such an amazing piece of news that gives me a little bit of happiness and excitement in the middle of a very hard pregnancy. Hopefully this excitment will last the next 22 weeks and take me through to the end :)
Most of you who know us know that Grant and I did not easily come to a decision on a name for either of the girls until after they were born. We went into Ella's birth with two names picked out, and Hailey's with 6, three a piece! I am sure this one will not be any different. We have always liked the name Jackson. I also really like Casey and Aiden. I haven't ever spent much time skimming the boy portion of the baby name books, so I'll have to take a look. I am totally open to suggestions (as long as you don't get mad at me if we don't jump on it!!).

Change...

Let me start by saying I have been feeling pretty crappy for some time now. Lack of energy, heart pounding, trouble sleeping, and PAIN!!! Granted I am 16 weeks pregnant, but this was going on long before this pregnancy. Also, I didn't feel this crappy when I was pregnant with Ella and taking care of myself better.

I don't always watch Oprah...but I record it. Today I watched yesterdays show of her Best life week with Dr. Oz. Halfway through the show I got up, went to my cubbard and swallowed my prenatal vitamin and my iron pill!!! I know that there have been many people in my life telling me the life changes I should do to start feeling better (MOM) but I think today I finally got it!

I haven't been the wife I want to be, the mom I want to be, the nurse I want to be, the daughter I want to be, or the friend I want to be. I am better than this...I just know it. I need to change...and it has to be know.

So...I am going to start a list and put it on my fridge. Here it goes:
-Take my vitamins...every day. At the very least my prenatal plus a vitamin D
-Take my iron as prescribed...I think one time a day (I'll look). Don't forget!!! It will make me feel better
- Eat breakfast every day. Shoot for oatmeal or cream of wheat. Figure out something for in a hurry (any suggestions).
-Cut WAY back on sugar. This means soda...which I love right now. This will probably become mandatory due to the diabetes I have dealt with in my previous pregnancies. It is torture at time, but makes you feel better.
-Stretch every day
-Exercise 3-4 times a week. Prenatal water aerobics, yoga, walk.
-Wake up at the same time everyday. Between 7:30 and 8:00

Alright, so I'll start with that. That is actually a lot of changes for me.
Encouragement is much appreciated!