Jackson

My friend Danny wrote on facebook "What is it with NICU nurses and their babies?" Seriously, I don't know, but a large number of us have had our own babies as patients in our unit.
34 weeks and 5 days...I couldn't sleep. I was totally uncomfortable, nauseated, choking on reflux once I did finally fall asleep, hugely swollen. I started bleeding a little that night, but wrote it off. The next evening, Grant saw the blood and said maybe we should go in. Of course, of all my MANY visits to the hospital, this time I didn't bring any of my stuff. About 20 minutes after arriving to Kadlec, my water broke. It was official; it was on. At that point, they wouldn't stop by labor. I have to say, a big part of me was kind of relieved. It had been a long ride and it was finally over, and it just happened, on it's own.
It was my longest labor of all 3 of my labors, and an emotional one as well. I had Many a breakdown and Grant and I had bonding moments that we have never had, and probably won't ever again. My night nurse, Becki, was so awesome, she was even going to stay over her shift if it looked like I would deliver soon. Sam was my dayshift nurse and was there for my delivery and was also awesome. My water broke around 6:00 on Tuesday evening and I didn't end up delivering him until 2:40 on Wednesday. I was stuck at a 6 for a long time when Sam checked me and realized there was like a second bag of water or something and once that was broke, I was ready to push in about 30 minutes.
One of my very good friends Val, came to represent the NICU for the delivery. She wasn't scheduled to work that day and I was so happy that she came in extra to be with me! Dr. Ortolano had been through a lot with me and I was very happy to see him. He did an excellent job at coaching me through and making me go slow when I just wanted to push that baby out super fast. My epidural stopped working right before I had him and I could feel it all and wanted it over with! Thankfully, going slow helped me to not tear, and at the very end he asked me for my hands and let me deliver the baby out right onto my chest.
I can't explain that moment. Relief, joy, happy, sad, a little bit of everything. I got to hold him, nurse him, cuddle him; for just a while before he had to be taken to NICU for low blood sugar and being preterm. I can't really explain what that felt like either, but I think it answers Danny's question...maybe God puts us through those moments so we can be even more understanding to the families we take care of as nurses. They took him, and my husband went with him. They were done with me and everyone was gone and I just started bawling. I can't explain how lonely that felt...but I think I will be a better NICU nurse because of it.
Thankfully, I was able to be with him shortly after that. He ended up staying 2 nights in NICU and 5 more on pediatrics. I didn't have to leave his side because right when they discharged me they moved him to peds and I was able to stay in the room with him. His main lingering issue was increased billirubin and jaundice.
He is such a special little boy and I am SO thrilled to have him in my life. There were times during that pregnancy that I didn't think I would make it. I didn't want to do it anymore. Now, I can't imagine my life without him. What a journey.
Jackson Casey Carrick
May 13, 2009
2:40 p.m.
6 lbs 15 oz
19 inches long



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These photos were taken by my very good friend and wonderful photographer Tera Pettit
http://www.terapettit.com/
I am working on a slide show of all the photos set to music and will post that when I am done. I realize they are quite personal photos (although you can't see anything private) but I thought they were too cool not to share!